It seems to me that this is about the most depressing thing I have ever read:
The horrible, horrible thing is that
- what the author says seems terribly plausible, given what I’ve observed over the years; and
- I have it on some authority, at least from several men I know who have read the article, that it’s 100% accurate. And these are men I consider very well-balanced and not like this at all.
It seems to be the case that I was absolutely right, when I’ve heard yet another story of some guy murdering his girlfriend/estranged wife — and kids — and then himself — and I’ve thought, “Another twelve-year-old male adult throwing a tantrum and yelling, ‘If I can’t have my toys, nobody else can either!'”
What I want to hope is that the men I have seen comment on this are somehow just the wrong ones, and are just a tiny minority, and that most men can overcome all the stuff in the article. But…from what I’ve seen over the years…I honestly don’t think there’s a real foundation to that hope.
Some of the most horrific quotes:
From birth we’re taught that we’re owed a beautiful girl…So it’s very frustrating, and I mean frustrating to the point of violence, when we don’t get what we’re owed. A contract has been broken. These women, by exercising their own choices, are denying it to us. It’s why every Nice Guy is shocked to find that buying gifts for a girl and doing her favors won’t win him sex. It’s why we go to “slut” and “whore” as our default insults — we’re not mad that women enjoy sex. We’re mad that women are distributing to other people the sex that they owed us.
And this very telling one:
With men, there are some scenarios where it stops mattering how he looks. With women, it always matters. In a comedy movie, the male wacky sidekick can be the chubby Zach Galifianakis or the nearly deformed Steve Buscemi. But if the female wacky sidekick isn’t attractive, like the overweight Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, then every scene needs to be about how ugly and fat and mannish she is. That has to be the core of her character.
And he goes on to say that if a woman doesn’t “do her job” and be decorative for the men, they attack her viciously. Oh yes. I’ve experienced that, let me tell you.
And it gets worse:
…a man can be giving the eulogy at his own grandmother’s funeral, and if there is a girl in the front row showing cleavage, he will be imagining himself pressing those boobs in his face, with his own dead grandmother not five feet away.
When that happens, when we get that boner at the funeral, we get mad at the girl showing the cleavage. Because we, ourselves, our own rational personality that knows right from wrong and appropriate from inappropriate, knows this is a bad place to get a boner. So it comes off like cleavage girl is conspiring with our penis to screw us over.
How utterly, utterly despicable is that? And he makes a fascinating connection with that observation:
No, this doesn’t excuse anything. Obviously, “She was asking for it!” is still a bullshit rape defense. All I’m saying is when you see guys actually get annoyed or angry at the sight of a girl showing too much skin, or if you see them eager to degrade or humiliate the girls at the strip club, this is why. It’s probably why some Muslims make their women cover themselves head to toe.
In this case, the emphasis is mine and not his. Wow. I had actually kind of thought that already. But to hear a man himself make that connection — wow.
But he’s not done yet. There seems no end, in his chronicle of the 5 Ways, to how men can decide to blame women for, well, everything.
…when we get nostalgic for the past, we always dress it up in some ridiculous fantasy like 300, where everybody is shirtless and screaming and hacking things with swords. We are fed this idea that at one time, this is how the world was — all of these impulses that have been getting us grounded and sent to detention from kindergarten on used to be not only allowed, but celebrated.
And then at some point, women took it all away.
I have often observed, about men as he describes them, that “women are grownups and those men want to be twelve forever.” As men have insisted that we cover ourselves up so they don’t “get tempted” and we should stay with abusive men because it’s our “duty,” blah blah blah, I’ve often thought, “So what you really want is for us to BABYSIT you so you never have to grow up while we do.” And I’ve vowed that I will never again babysit a man who wants me to be the grownup so he doesn’t have to be.
The article keeps going on, but I can’t stomach any more. I told a friend that what I feel like, right now, is buying a little house in an out-of-the-way place, generating my own power and getting off the grid, growing as much of my own food as I can, and having as little connection to this world ruled by twelve-year-old men as I can possibly get away with.
Maybe I’ll think differently tomorrow. But on the other hand, maybe I could turn on the news and hear words coming out of a male Republican’s or (in Canada) “Conservative’s” mouth. And that would set my tolerance clock right back to zero.